Knowledge of self?

I wont concede whats making me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. It might just fizzle away, I'm wont to take that risk.

You will notice i changed the look and feel of this whole place - hence yesterdays renascence. I've realised since that i have made it a habit to be reborn, in every sense of the word. I enjoy stooping and rebuilding from worn out tools. I love the challenge of what the new will feel like - the fleeting promise of a new day, a high in its own right. It is in this time that I want reach out to others, to share , to revel in the brotherhood of my peers.

My fear is that I also secretly sadistically look forward to the flip side of that cycle - the death of things, the collapse, the very need to be reborn. What this reflects is a bizarre ambivalence that makes up the juice that keeps me ticking - day to day -week to week. It is in this time that I am, as so succincly put by Simon and garfunkel, a rock, an island, protected by my books (work) and poetry (programming). I find great solace in silence, in soaking in m own presence.

Whenever I resign to such 'who-am-I' thoughts, I am often tied down by the age old conundrum of nature vs nurture - and the evidence to point to both arguments is compelling enough to make me forget about the work i actually have to do - which is why i'll take this cue and head off to work. it'll be a good day - Carpe deim, or more appropriately , F U Monday blues...

Here I go..armed with a blurry knowledge of self - better than none at all.