New beginnings

The morning began with a pleasant surpise - the first leave/flower buds on the tree right outside my window had sprouted. New beginnings i thought...new beginnings..

What wasn't unexpected was how exhausted I was going to work. I have found myself wishing it were Friday every morning of this week - each day the wish growing in fervency, each day proportionately disappointed that the time fairies had not done me that ka one favor.

For anyone who's around me or speaks to me often, theres few and far in between might I add, will know that i whine quite a bit about my work - this is a subtle strategy to get them to believe that I am an incredibly hard worker who values career progression, pulls in crazy late hours and is riding the yuppie bandwagon till the wheels fall off.

Revelation..just between me an you - everything but the last part is true. two reasons..
1)I dont have the energy to keep up with yuppie trends (even though i recently acquired street cred for taking some friends to a really HIP breakfast joint that was absolutely fab).
2) I really really have been working hard. Pushing myself beyond the limit these past few days. Taking a LOT of shit from my superiors (as they are getting lots of shit from THEIR superiors) all in the name of time pressure and crunch. I have had to work with incompetent collegues, cover up for them (in the short term it really is the smarter thing to do), had to bear with the indecision of studio executives, and accomodate princess like tech gurus, all while letting them rub my inexperience in my face. All in a f**** days work i guess.

Ok so that was more than 2 reasons. sue me. Were certainly making A game, but it sure doesnt feel like one if you know what i mean. Politics, shareholders, Mergers and acquisitions, contractors, Licensing, patents, massive office growth,are all part of the ingredients to this game development experience. Edifying at this stage since I lack a frame of reference, but somehwat unneccesary to this newbies day to day activities.

Anyway, This cookie wont crumble. I have my performace review meeting with my manager coming up pretty soon..whoa does he not know what coming his way! anyway..If theres anything makign videogames has taught me..theres power in context. I will stage it like it was Broadway and I'm Annie. Hard knock life indeed. I get to pick the meeting day, set the environment, set the mood, basically control the flow of the meeting. I then have to hit him upside the head with all the stuff I've been handling under my sleeve, sprinkle some of the areas i think i need direction on - while smothering him with my approval of his mentorship. Thereafter just be agreeable. keep Him in a good mood. Haha all figured out..except I dont know what to say :)

I was checkaing with Angie vile were going to start a club of disgruntled entry level employees - The membership of this thing would hit the flipping roof I am sure. So many shared experiences.

On a nother note I am VERY frustrated with my side projects. Nchi Yetu Version 2 was bliss at the development stage and i was very happy when the progress i had made. But since i began deplying it on a shared server, all tech hell has broken loose. THis new language that i wrote it in (Ruby on Rails) is great for iteration, but deployment is just incredibly frustrating. I doubt theres any one of you reading who can sympathise, but cmon pretend. I'm soooo close to giving up and just paying someone to do it.

So we had take out at work today(as we do everyday with the sweatshop hours) - the chicken Korma i ordered was kadhaa. So being the Kenyan I am i packed up the remains, bebad it as I walked home. I have been noting a growing number of Homeless folk lining the montreal downtown streets at twilight, but I have never been bothered per se by my general apathy of their situation. Leo, with Chicken Korma wielded in hand, I was struck by some serious pangs of guilt as I passed this 40 yr old ish guy stuck in an 80 yr old mans body. Too proud to go back and give this guy my bakshish, I assuaged my guilt by thinking of the 10 or so others I would pass on the way home.
So I'm out of the metro station, and theres this one spot that's always has a dude there, looking dazed, yet vigilant of cops. Lo and behold he was there tonight. My chest up, oozing with righteousness, I asked if the guy was hungry. Shock on me. The guy pointed me to a bag on his side, made a quick nod, and went back to whatever he was doing. My pride was stung. This is some chicken Korma buddy. ONLY in CANADA. Homeless dude is not hungry. Ama I look that suspect. Anyway the next guy i found was GENUINELY starving and was profusely thankful, so it ended well this guilt trip of mine. Ahh the things we will do to make ourselves feel better about ourselves.
On a serious note though, I need to start giving more. I have so MUCH, relatively.. Others have so little. It doesnt matter if they are are here or in Kenya. Other peoples misfortunes are really disguised opportunities for you to do something good. The two are inextricably bound. Just like each one of those homeless guys was an opportunity for me - I challenge you guys to see the misfortune beseiging others close by you as a direct challenge of you character.

Tommorow morning the leaves will be reaching out, and it will be a brand new beginning, AND it will be Friday after all. Been a long time coming....