Nairobbery: A day at the market

The trading floor:
The floor consists of a large white board separated my columns, with
each listed company habiting a row. This my friends , is where all the action is. This is where millions and cents get thrown around; to the untrained eye a trading sesison seems like a pandemonium of agitated monkeys in red suits ,but look closer and you will find there is great method to their madness. Trading goes on from 10am to 12 pm Monday to Friday(yes ONLY 2 HOURS a day).

So how do deals get made? How is brockering executed? how can something so complex be just be written on a board????? Ok cowboy hoold ya horses.. super busy and instead send your trusted aid with cash to buy you whatever you want. Now imagine every one else including the traders are just as busy, and send their trusted
aides as well. So all trusted aides get to gikosh and realise hmmmmmmm interesting... we have all this money & property that doesnt belong to us - how bout we make some good use of it
and hope to make our masters happy?? So trouble starts brewing in Paradi-ehem gikosh, and the scheming begins.

So we come to board writing - the archaic respected skill of writing
bids and offers on the board. Not as easy as it sounds..the floor
is abound with trickery and deceit: Ok dealer willing to sell of 100 shares of Mumias Sugar shouts to Mr Chief board writer,
clearly indicating offer price and volume. This is chorwad in the offer column with the broker being identified by a fixed code known to all. Bids are carried out in the same open-air-market-like fashion. Brokers can overbid and under offer each other for the same security, all subject to price spreads.

Price spreads...nothing complicated..just upper and lower bounder limits placed on each share price based on their previous trading value. Somewhat sheilds them from drastic devaluation/appreciation
tactics applied by brokers all the time.

So if a bid and offer come within two spreads the deal is closed at the ave. price of the bid and offer..eg..if
spread: 0.05 bid: 10.10 offer:10: the deal closes at:10.15 for as much supply meets demand. The bid and offer can come between one spread, in which case the deal is closed at the offer price.

So ardent interns like myself master this anatomy of a trade and insert closed deals as they occur into their oracle databases...when i'm not doing this i'm trying to infer as much as my technical
non-business mind can from these market fluctuations in order to build a virtual portfolio. I have sworn to myself to start investing, and let me swear again..jus one little thing I'm missing: the chumz!! I was super inspired by Way South's blogging and suddenly Debt is not such a taboo for me anymore. I guess that officially make me a Capitalist.

Notice how closed the market trading is to the investor, who has no clue of the real time trades Unless ofcourse he skives jobo to come to the veiwing booth at the floor, or calls his broker company, who will have to call their on floor brokers for a querry. Completely ridikyulas. At first I couldnt understand how such relevant dynamic info could be withheld form the investor, but hey, the market has survived thus far.

The prices you see on financial news on TV are the days averaged prices. In an world where the phrase TIME IS MONEY holds so much weight, You cannot imagine the amount of time being wasted. I find it odd that this doesnt seem to be an issue for many at the NSE, whose job it is to make the market as investor friendly & timely.

The Brokers:

It came as no shock that the broker langua franca is KYUK!!! My guy if your a jeng or a chut, ebu brush up on your 'aterere' lest u forever remain outside the lucrative hush-hush loop of security dealing. There are 28 listed broker COmpanies, each of home send 1-3 brokers to the floor every morning. Each bring their own strategies and personalities t the floor, which can help or hurt the market on
any Given day. All the same heres how ive come to break it down..

1) The methodical, ritualistic.
As certain as death and taxes, This dude will walk in 10 minutes before trading time, issue the same practiced greeting, and will never appear excited.
Highly disciplined, he spends most of his time scratching his beard analysing
his sparse trading schedule. I like this guy.

2) the comic
This clown sees it is his duty to draw out any possible humour, has a loud annoying laugh, and true to his title cracks up most of the other brokers.Consequently he is taken less seriously, and his cleints may essentially suffer. Nice guy overall. More than half of his time is spent making roundspicking on other brokers.

3) the high roller
My personal fav. This guy either belongs to Standard Stocks or CFCS (big timers in the industry) and spend their time switching between two of their cell phones in relatively loud aggressive tones. This dude doesnt deal in 'spare change' trades..we are talking deals in the hundereds of thousands plus. His ego is bursting out of his frame, and he is masquarading on the urban legends/bar talk perpetuated amongst the brokers.

4) the iron lady
As if to make a LOUD statement in this male dominated genre, she ALWAYS dresses to KILL, with her cleavage doing the talking. Never having the time for (the many)petty chauvenist advances, it becomes clear that this is a chic with a plan. No game, no nonesense. always quick and edgy on the floor.

5) The silent
THis dude never sez a word. Always jus staring at some document or blankly in the air. Probly on some sort of trading probation from his parent company. Not a very happy camper.

6) the professional
Slightly older than the average, this seasoned broker doesnt say too little nor say too much. Doesnt really take part in trading, just waltzs around looking important and keep a close watch on the trades incase the Boss calls from the office. Usually comes paired with a slave broker formt he same company.


The investment options:
This one requires an whole blog altogether....


The general market trends:
The NSE is a TINY market by world standards , making it very susceptible to brokering firm manipulation. Larger market places like the NYSE, FTSE etc are hardly affected due to the size of the market. Here i believe given a fair amount of time (and whether they realize it or not), these 50 something odd brokers can honestly plot to crash the market.

So generally material info concerning a is the biggest influence on share price as in all other markets. Time of the year plays a big role; usally the market fairs better at the beginning of the year
and peaks at febuary, after which investor hopes are start dying away.

This year the market has slumped from their crazy growth last year.. u know the mantra- buy low sell high. Now is your chance.

My advice to you:
INVEST.QUICK.THERE IS NO RETURN WITHOUT RISK.

Hello ALL

Yes its me
I'm back from the dead..... Actually its no real death I've just had the nastiest internet experience since before the internet begun. Well I have been blogging since I got here but haven't had a chance to upload so heres my dirt in brief::::

21st July 2004

I hop on that plane at Heathrow and i'm thinking no way am I turning around absolutely not. so after a rather bumpy ride very terrible weathe over northa sfrica I touch down in the motherland.Have no real clue as to who  I'm really meeting at the airport. So anyway I meet this super nice guy on the plane. Offers to carry my bags buys me chocolate asks for my number the works..anyway I decline the bag handling but couldn't say no to the chocolates cos they aren't even for me so even if he wekas kamuti its not my eef. Slooooooow queue at the stamping area but by now the authorities think I'm withthis dude so they rush me through. Get my bags easy peasy and I'm off to declare that i have nothing to declare. My new found friend goes through before me and the guy at the desk once again assumes I'm with him so no questions are asked.Huge throng of people at the welcome home joint and silly KUI isn't wearing her contacts so I can't even see. So I'm walking out like a girl on a mission and I hear the most wonderful voice in the world say my name..No its not my mother just my best friend in the world D, so hey i'm like soo happy and relieved and my welcoming commitee just gets bigger with my sweetie Shiku and finally my dad. Its of to some club for the night though and I almost got back on the plane at the sight of my  room...... My goodness what a rip off..... Can I really survive Kenya?????    My hearts really and truly convinced that I can't. I go to bed totally disturbed wondering what kind of mess I got myself into.....

 
22nd July 2004

Get up early fnd a note from my dad meet for breakfast at 10:00am. Something else begins to dawn on me.......I have to start saying daddy may I all over again....Can I hack it......???? Anywya I walk aroung Nairobi. Rush to the NSE to say hello to Denis only to find the man not hard at work......is this a technical appearance job he's pulling....I later discover he had a close shave with the cops.Forgiven... What now. Well I hola at my sis and then chagne some money coz I really have none. Its great to be home afterall...air smells right people look normal and my hearts at peace. After breakfast (at 12:00noon trust my dad) we head home.
Get home sleeeeeeeeep..

 
23rd July

UNeventful go see my aunt. Acquire a line so hola

My number is 0720384527 best use it or I'll not be too pleased. Seeing as i had to rememeber it.

 

24th July

Get my car a very tiny and old toyota pick up, but who cares I'm mobile. Little do Iknow since the folks have been letting everyone at work drive it tovarious errands its not the same baby I knew a while back. Give my frienda  ride to her place and halfway there....the car JAMS..... what the heck am I going to do. My dad is God knows where My mom is still in UK and I'm in the middle on nowhere.   Thank God for mobile phones we manage to salvage a rescue operation.
Drive home quite shaken Watch Project Fame all evening for comfort.

 
25th July

Church...Good stuff Nice to be back. Not too used to the singing but i can hack it.   Give my frined a ride home. Halfway back home the gears jam>>>>>>>>>>AAAAARgh what to do.Anyway Get some sense back int0 the vehicle, which by the way won't open up through the drivers side. GO home disgruntled.
Find dad awake . Asks for the papers...I can't even be bothered to go back into town for them. Who men get into that death trap agian....no way!!!!!!!!!

 
26th July

Wake up and ask my dad for permission to go to Nakuru. I think He's suffering from severe paranoia. He won't let me take a mat. He would rather reorganise his schedulea dn take me himself. Anyway what the heck.There goes half the day. gfet to Nakuru late afternoon by the time I'm hooking up with Chris'O the days' over.  Anywya it was worth the look. Great to see him bearded hunk of a man,Wangu....pay close attention to that..

 
27th

the Full shags trip. Yaanmi I don't even have reception I went boldly where safaricom hasn't gone before. But i don't mind this Friday I'm seeing my peeps. You'all gonna be in MKA right? See ya then.

But yeah I get the full treatment. Have a  poor chicken killed in my honour almost had a goat done too but i threatened to make a call to the KSPCA (yeah right)

28th July

Get home. Make my dad some breakfast tell him about my elaborate plans to go to Nai this weekend and get a huge rebuttal. I can hardly believe It. I am mad as hell. I can't believe it. Do they still depot stowaways because I'm seriously considering it. I'm going crazy!!!!!!!!!! WHat is he thinking. Thats where you find me today at a very slow internet joint I discovered venting my frustrations out on this poor blog.....

BLOG ON
and let God take care of you

 
Na huo ndio Muktasari wa habari

Nairobbery: day 27

Funny how the mind plays tricks of relativity on you..Nai suddenly seems like this huge metropolitan city bustling with life and perpetual activity...Ok atleast compared to Meru, where i spent the better part of my weekend. It was just a few weeks ago when it seems like this tiny excuse for a town when arrived from Montreal.

At meru i enjoyed the simple timeless pleasures that are make up country life - taking long walks with the folks, up and down the tea farms, dropping in on folks uninvited and getting welcomed with mounds of steaming irio and chai, and jus lazing o the grass refreshed by the fact that there are no phones ringing, no hooting matatu drivers, no paperwork to attend to, and no annoying Spanish- translated soap on tv to endure through.
Ok granted, this doesnt sound very exciting, matter of fact these are THE exact reasons i hated shaggs so much a few years ago.
I enjoyed it nonetheless.

Herbal Chicken soup (with real Mitishamba, none of the fake marketting ploys currently rampant in the city), Mayai's (as organic as they come), full cream milk fresh off the udder, Bioled Kienyeji kuku, Yams ; all while listening to my 80 year ol grandfather: it dont get no beeetter(a la cassiddy).

My granddad crib what ive always liked to think of as the as deep inside the bundus as you can get. So distant from this civilization that we have become so accustomed to. One of the places where TV will be the next big thing some decades to come. No stima, no phones, no running water.
Or so i thought. Shock, as the kenyan lingo dictates, be on me. I watched in pleasant surprise the electric poles and wires spanning far into the heart of Mbwinjiru village. The cell phone phenom had perpretrated relentlessly as well.

Whoever said meru was the pothole capital of Africa can meza a wembe. The roads are IMMACULATE. Atleast most of them are. Super impressed with my Home town...enyewe i am being shameless. I cant ati suddenly rukia theplace i disowned half of my childhood now that its looking up. Mytrue home is NAiroberry.

One love.

Nairrobery : day 23

OK if you ever catch me talking of the ills of corruption...someone, please weka me upside the head..hard. I will surely deserve it after today...

Super Late for work leo this morning..I am in robot mode..everything i do is perfunctory beyond measure..I'm doing everything possible to minimise my lateness.
So Jump into the car,and driving like a madman i am , but no leo i have to be slick.
You see the rest of Nairobi folk in cars are jus dumb and I have allll the answers..How can they be so blind as not to use the Westlands road(the one leading from graffins going alongside Bubbles/toona tree) to get into museum hill roundabout(vs waiyaki way)!!!!

Lo and behold..before i know it..i'm turning onto incoming traffic..
Did i mention this is a traffic bottleneck and there are cops around like flies to shit.
Clearly oblivious to this, in TRUE KENYAN DRIVING i agressively cut into the slowly trickling traffic going down towards the
roundabout..but it is not even 2 seconds before this cop JUMPS infront of the mots
Oh yes..he's here for no one but me.

SO HE INVITES HIMSELF INTO MY CAR..AND WERE OFF TO THE STATION!!
lESSON NUMBER 1: DONT NOT INTERRUPT THE OFFICER.
So I listen keenly on the insults he hurls on me and my forsaken 844, then play the innocent, broke student on internship whose been away for so long the road signs dont quite appear like they used to. He aint budging. He keeps throwing in the words 'mahakamani' and '2000 bob' bail...so i play it kool..
u know..the straight-as-an-arrow non-delinquent from Canada.

My silence seems to calm him down. It is amazing how much worse you will drive with a cop on your passenger side..intimidation factor in full effect. Ok long story short..so we play back ad forth ping pong responses, each taunting the other to take it to the next level; My rationale is offering this punk my 5 sock would be incriminating myself live; one it goes against my moral grain, and 2 he could legally descend on me like a ton of bricks for offering him one..(we are in post Kanu Kenya i am thinking..) So his collegue, watching in mounting amusement(either at my brutal, but feigned, naivete or this cops subtlety)interjects.."aaa lakini huyu,(cop) ni mtu mzuri..muoongee vizuri hata haja ja court case.."
Jamaa had not even finished his sentence when the cop stands up, yanks out his wallet and hands me 5 sock..I'm confused..But he stands there , open palmed staring stright at the thousand shilling note in my wallet...

Ohhh i get it..this is The payoff.(no really..I am that naive sometimes) My on spot rationale was eish...The time invovled to get this case over and done with is far more valuable than the 5 sock
AND my license expired a few days ago...it was a no brainer. He had pocketed the cash before you could say "scum sucking leech".

So enraged , i leave. Speaking of road rage. And you thought THe states was bad. this will def leave you thinking otherwise. Mr Obell I'm afraid..has gone cukoooo testing too many of those aids drugs.

So there u go. I have been corrupted - and have become corrupt. Dnt say u werent warned. Yes pennance is what i seek. Moral of the story is..u think you know..but u dont know. Only when u
are in the circumstances.

Jana i watched "paul" Kamleh pattni on TV as he trampled over some inexperienced cross examiner. I felt embarrased for the poor fellow. In fact the more i watch these proceedings,
the more i realise that this here man mr Pattni, saved and delivered as he is, will emerge from this fiasco of a tribunal a HERO. A complete hero. I mean, the dude was 25 when he
was pulling off these schemes. 25 and ur chilling out, handing the president of Kenya gift suitcases worth 2 mill. FUnding off entire election campaigns. Dont quite advocate for looking of goverment billions..but his presentation of the 'truth' sure leaves u with
slight admiration for the man. He is as slippery as they come.
I hear when he chucked the 1000-person strong list of people he had somehow paid..folks (and their peers) were checking to see if they were NOT on the list. How sad is that.

OK enuff for today..keshos i'll try break down a day in the life of a broker. suggested watch: Wallstreet(Martin Sheen). Ill flick.
Have to go reserach on some cheap villas for my impending trip to the Kenyan Coast. Any ideas anyone?

One love form the land of Anglo FLEECING.

Nairobbery: day 21

So much to say..so little time...It just occured to me that those of youm living far and away are living vicariously through my storos, so wait until i tell you about 'your' weekend..

Thursday: Ol lady is a charm...I am amazed at how small their world in Nairobi is: between Her and my Dad, They know everyone I could possibly imagine, somehow through school, university, some past business deal, a marraige, a favour, their kids , their kids friends, their brothers their sisters..their brothers school, their brothers university, kids etc etc..u get the vicious cycle.
Anyway somehow thanks to this overwhelming network of influence, we got invited to the annual Kenya Fashion week gala dinner. It pays to be a beauticians son i tell u..we got complimentaries. Striclty black tie'd, we head off for the carnivore grounds to find one of the most amazing setups i've seen at the grounds.. it was grandiose in every respect - beautifully set up cocktail waiting area, the lighting pleasantly flowing down the skimpily clad waitresses: the flawlessly set round dinner tables sitting under the chunky langata grass...it was hard to beileive this was Nai.

More stunning was the aura of influence surrounding the whole event..politics, parliament, pharmacutical and fashion industry, corporate Kenya : all richly represented. Najib , agwombo, Nyongo, Micheal Joseph(CEO of Safaricom, with whom i couldnt avoid shamelessly schmoozing with), Titus Naikuni(CEO Kenya Airways) Sue Muraya(Top fashion head in Nai; hosting the event)...whashisface MD of CBA bank, ai the list goes on and on.

The most noticable prescence however was that of Ajuma Nyaseda - london based supermodel..this chic i understand has come from FAR. NO quesiton..there is MAD talent..
involved with anywone who zoolands with Naomi campbell.

So the show was fantabulous, lorna Irungu did a great job...huskii she's entertainment manager of the Carnivore these days raking in the chums..The standards were far and beyond anything ive seen..and i have seen some maajabu in this young life of mine.

Friday mornign was maumivu. Late for work..lakini In kenya all jobo implicitly anzas at 8.3somethingish...another thing about this city - way waaaay to many cars. The car person ratio in the CBD is absolutely a joke. If u start travelling at 745 from whereever u'll somehow be in traffic for a good 45 min unless uve become a matatu driver...and even they have sobered up of late.

As Certain as death and taxes i meet with Kibet at the increasingly popular 'cafe cream'(pronounced 'creme' by Nairobi wannabe's) which is a quaint little cafe up at yaya openly set up on a terrace. Note is said Cafe, not bar..but I noted this bizarre tendecy of uptown kenyan folk to turn the nice cafe's into BARS!!! Karaoke nite it was..and i was very displeased that no one selected a kenyan track!!!!!!!

Anaa clande habit i observed was this issue posing at 24hr petrol stations...ok for those of u unaware...GO to any 24 hr station..u will pata it has jaad with a range of shady to gisty lookin folk, sitting in , on or just standing around their car, boozing, chewing(miraa) and possibly smoking herb. It was an incongruent picture..but what do u do..mimi ni mgeni in my own home town!!

Then sato I'm off to Kenyatta market for some quality nyam chom...snag some good deals with the ol lady again at some of the stalls hoarding mens wear...afterwards it was off to fashion week again(this time for the catwalk only). The only thing that stays imprinted in my mind are some red hot hot pants...wololo i'm hoping for her sake her mom wasnt in the audience: those pants and the cleavage part thereof were a match made in heaven..lightning strike me for not having taken pics..

We have fries for 100 bob at Carni, and it has only now occured to me , now that i'm Bbbbbbroooke , that I am a foreigner who has not come to realise what 2 Canadian dollars mean in this country. Hard to believe we belong to the same country as those frighteningly atrophied kenyans in turkana and Kwale that we see on TV almost daily now.

End up clubbing allllll night at Soho's and Midas....these pub like clubs with tiny dance floors . sohos sounds were on point..but it was a fire hazard just waiting to happen. My friends were kidogo surprised that by 245 i was beat...yet another sign i've been away too long. I played it mr tough guy and went on till like 430 am after which i could no longer pretend to be awake....go home...
swatch for a handful of hours, and by 11 i'm in Church. All i can say is thatnk God for Redbull.

Sunday..aah sunday. Host my grandmom who continually makes fun of my broken meru..even i didnt realise it was that bad..damn..tutorial anyone!??

To all you folks struggling out there...take NOTHING for granted..I jus lost my distant cousin to a severe asthma attack..she was 14 with a bright future ahead...The world owes you NOTHING, is my surmise. We live by the grace of God.

More soon from the city in the sun..

Denis

Nairrobery :day 8

My oh my doesnt the week fly fast. It was just a few days ago i was pledging that i would be blogging daily. So much for mental notes...

I'm at a loss of words. THese punks..i will not name names..are all gone! My workmates that is..a team building retreat for the IT and accounting departments is happening at Sarova Shaba(for those of you unfamirliar with this, it is rated the best lodging camp in Sub saharan africa); i mean food ,accomodation ,pints all entirely covered by the nse. Guess who didnt get to go...yep.. no prizes for that one. ITs the same guy sitting here ALONE in the IT office whining into cyberspace.

OK I'm not sure whats more aggrevating - the fact that I wasnt budgeted for in advance or the idea that these folks take interns for Complete idiots..I mean complete retards. Before they left leo, i was taken through a repeated crash course on how to lock a door from inside, inject a tape drive into a server, and use notepad(!!!!!!!!!) among other things.

I being in IT also get the unexpected additional treat of showing some dummy how NOT to lose his main 'Start' toolbar on windowze XP. I mean unbelievable.

Someone said Humility, or was it patience is a virtue. If no one did Well hell I'ma say it loud and clear. When u can sit through bullshit and maintain your composure, u'll be a man my son..Rudyard add that one to your IF poem.
So my aim is to patiently pursue what i came here to do. Absorb as much as i can about the convoluted process of stock analysis trading & settlement and dream up a system that can enhance it.

For you folks eagre to make a quick kiling thru the short tem investements..I suggest you read up kwanza then we can talk. here's their portal It is updated daily by..yours truly.

So what am i doing this weekend? Trying to link up with old pals, going to see Spiderman 2 later this evening and perhaps
survey this tum new spots that have crept in since i left.

There was no way i was forgetting to mention this , even though its already on the calender:
Leo is my Niece Makena's Birthday..I take visa, debit card or cash for all you supporters out there..
How can you say no to such a face? hehe I'm playin..I will not exploit the lil girl..just yet.

Cheers folks. One love.

Life

Today I'lll say something about life.
My life.
My life at this moment is spining on its own axis. Its rather crazy.
I want to find a place to place my foot
but its like i'm in a really deep dark hole and all I can see around me is blackness. It seems like everywhere I look to place my foot sinks below me. I want to run really far but I want to hang about here. Everything is spinning around and around.

But, I like the buts in my life coz this is where I see the silver lining. I guess its good to know that even when everything around me seems to be falling apart. The center ..... MY CENTER.... will hold. I 'm sure Gods light will shine through.

He takes care of me.......................

Nairobbery: Day 5

1) the web is painfully slow here..The pain is fromm pulling my hair out and considering stabbing myself severally wtih a pencil...whats worse..I'm the only one who seems to mind..oh if i could open your eyes ye blind ones;

2) politics is TRAGIC COMEDY in Kenya. I leave the 9pm news each day with about as much disgust as watching fahrenheit 911. It hard to believe ANYONE takes these scumsucking villans seriously.

3) Work is interesting. 98% of my day is spent learning the loopholes of the nairobi Stock Exchange trading system. The 2 % is when I'm falling asleep after lunch.

4) Celebrity mania has reached new heights in this city: I'm not angry. its just a change of venue for more thugs from the street to the studio. A very thin silver lining , i know.

5) I see investment busniess opporunities everywhere i go. I mean everywhere. I am venturing big time into sky-castle-building real estate. until i get the money that is..any venture capitalists out there.. give me a hollaaaa it is 0720 490616(EDIT)..i think...sucks i got the phone jana.

6) the weather, the weather rocks. pics coming soon.

7) I met Mrs Dorothy at sarit Uchumi hyper recently..Damn the woman is still looking good..some lucky bastard that husband is. She's got two beutiful daughters and is teaching at Brayside. Seems the pastures have been very green there hehe..

Ok i must get out of this cave we call the IT office and buy a basketball. I'm feeling like mike.


Those of you reading this in Kenya..PLEASE GIVE ME a CALL.

One love.

CHARLENE

Hi! Are you attending Waweru's graduation?
If you are kindly pat him on the back for me! Pass my regards as well!

Cheers!