Monday, November 02, 2009

The 4 Most Annoying PSV Users (in response to Revival of VI suggestion by Kibet)

Lucky you, if you do not have to use public service vehicles (PSVs), you don’t have to go through what ‘we’ (we, the people who use PSVs because we have no choice but to use PSVs) go through. Lucky you, who uses PSVs, because it does make your life a little bit more interesting. Really, I enjoy taking the matatu or the bus. I meet people who are soooo irritating/bothersome/irksome that they turn out to be really interesting. They make your day…or night. CNN’s article on ‘The 12 most annoying Facebookers’ inspired me to break my blogging hiatus and write this article, aptly, named…(drum roll)…this name is just so attention-grabbing, wait for it...“The 4 most annoying PSV users!”

1. The Incessant Talker/Toucher
Yes, these people ceaselessly talk because they think that if they stop ceaselessly talking, then they’ll stop being idiots and because they do not want to stop being idiots they talk ceaselessly. These incessant talkers also do not respect one’s personal space. Like this one time, there’s one who sat next to me in the bus…He sighs, then it all starts…
Man in the bus: (Touches my hand) “Haiya, ni saa gapi?”
Me: “6.30pm”
Man in the bus: “Hei hei hei, kwani nitafika Kawangware saa gapi?”
Me: (Silence)Bus starts moving…we reach Holy Family Basilica…
Man in the bus: (touches my thigh) “I am Catholicism. Mimi hueda hiyo Kanisa. Unaijua? Holey Familey?”
Me: (I nod my head, remove my MP3 player and everything that could go wrong, at that moment does go wrong. My MP3 has no battery power! Anyhoo, I put on the earphones and I look out the window).

Man in the bus: (Taps my thigh, 3 taps, points to the front of the bus) “Hei, agalia. Coductor ni mwanamuke!”
Me: (Silence, I pretend to adjust my earphones, thinking he’ll get the message that “I’m listening to music, so stop talking to me!” but I was not actually listening to music, just pretending to listen to music because if I had not forgotten to charge my MP3 player the day before, I would in fact be listening to music and I would not have to pretend to be listening to music…You get the drift).

Man in the bus: (3 taps on my thigh)
Me: (Silence)Man in the bus: (5 taps on my thigh) “Saaasaaa huyu coductor anapikia watoto wake saa gapi? Tsk tsk tsk. Na bwana yake, anakula saa gapi? Ahhhhh siwesi kuoa mwanamuke kama huyu aki aki! Siwesi!”
Me: “Excuse me? Wacha nipite, nataka kushuka.”Man in the bus: “Unataka kushuka?
Me: I feel like saying "Hapana sitaki kushuka. Nataka kusimama na kusukuma watu. What does it look like?! but I say, "Eeeee"Man in the bus: Ok Byyyyeee!”

2. The Pushers
Don’t you just hate people who push for no reason? You’ll find them at Kencom or Panafric. I have been hurt or bruised by them a couple of times. So, you find ten route number 7 buses at Kencom and out of the ten, nine are empty. But noooo, these pushers have to push, shove as they try to get into a bus that is almost full. And they feel like they’ve achieved something great by getting into that bus. They also think that they’ll get to their destination before I do. Me, who decided take an empty route 7 bus, did not have to push and I GOT A REALLY NICE SEAT BY THE WINDOW and the bus that I took, eventually overtakes the bus that you pushed soo hard to get into and SO I GET TO MY DESTINATION BEFORE YOU DO. TAKE THAT! Then, there are those people who push to get into an empty bus. Imagine this…we were five people at the bus stop. An empty KBS arrives. Four people rush to the door…they push and shove…I look at them and think “Why do Kenyans like suffering, when they do not have to? Why do Kenyans like the harsh life?” “Why can’t we all love one another and STOP PUSHING!”

3. The Big People
Woe unto you if you get a three seater aisle seat. So, you get an aisle seat… “At least I got a seat” (You think you are lucky)…“Not bad. I can watch the TV” (for those of you who luckily do not use PSVs, we are lucky enough to watch Mr. Bean and America’s Funniest Home Videos, as buses now have TV. So, while you are stuck in the jam in your private vehicle looking at the buses and PSV users with disdain, the fact is, in that jam, all you can listen to in those private vehicle of yours, is some radio presenter’s raspy or squeaky voice and the songs being played are the songs you listened to yesterday and the day before yesterday, when you were stuck in the jam at the same spot. However, we PSV users, enjoy and watch funny TV and laugh our hearts out. Being in the jam for a TV watching PSV user is like, eating a good blackforest cake. Enjoyable and satisfying. TAKE THAT private vehicle users!). Oh, back to what I was writing/saying. So, you think you are lucky to have an aisle seat…then a heavy set woman gets into the bus and the person sitting next to you, suddenly decides that he does not want to go to Kawangware, so he stands up and beckons this heavy set woman to come sit. “Ahhhhh!” (you scream, in your head). And the heavy set woman sits on your thigh and …. “Lord why?!”(You ask). You decide to move your thigh from under her heavy set thigh and now, you end up sitting on the edge of the aisle seat, sliding off the seat every time the bus makes a left turn. Then, another heavy set woman, more heavy set than the heavy set woman sitting next to you, gets into the bus and she hits you on the face with her heavy heavy set behind and (sigh).

4. The Eaters
Ok, I’m guilty of being an eater but I just eat a block of chocolate. Ok, I eat the whole thing. I do not think eating chocolate is a faux pas compared to eating fries/chips or even worse, sugar cane in the bus. So, the smell of the fries killing hungry people…lady chewing fries with mouth open, making loud icky chewing noises, burping… Lady (not the fries-eating lady) eating sugar cane …chewing with her mouth open, sucking the sugar cane loudly (you can hear the sugar cane juice trickle into her oesophagus), chucking the sugar cane fibres from her mouth to your clothes…and BURP! So, do you have your list of the “X most annoying PSV users?”

Thursday, February 12, 2009

two at a time

it is one blog at a is EVERYONE!
i must admit that i migrated...went over to wordpress for a check it out.

and i was re-reading some stuff we wrote...and its HILARIOUS how cyclical life can be!
hope you are all well...lets start this up!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Blogging blues

Nate - i was wondering the same thing. So how do we bring this back to what it once was?

Answer - one blog at a time...

Sunday, September 21, 2008


wow been ages just checking is this still active??

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Nena Bubu Nena.................

I am sitting in my bed this evening wondering when I lost my voice!!!!
Though I had no vote, I have always and should always remain a voice for my country. My opinion may not always be right but when injustices openly occur, injustices that even the blind can see.......HOW IS IT THAT MY VOICE is silent.

How did I allow the cloak of fear to mask my coice. Why did I not stand my ground and shout from the rooftops? Why did my safety matter more than the lives of over 1000 Kenyans...I weep now( a tad late),daily for the loss I have suffered. I try and tell myself that there is nothing I could have done. But the words of Wainaina Haunt me....

Do you remember:

Who is to blame..
Who is behind this
Who lives in the shadows
Who lights the flame of this raging inferno..........

My tears have finally been allowed to flow freely and I will let myself cry. I must cry away my shame at holding back in silence. I must cry away my foolishness for allowing Kenya to come to a place where Leaders are not accountable to the people. Where I have allowed my leaders to become selfish and callous. I must cry away the sorrow I feel at the loss of Kenyan lives. I must break the wall that I have been building up since December 27th 2007 when I went home to the comfort of the loving arms of my sweetheart and trusted the Kenyan vote to a flawed Electoral Commission. A commission I had had the chance to correct a few years back when minimum reforms to the constitution were tabled. BUT NO. I said either I have all I want or nothing at all. Now my Kukuyu brother is slain, Now my Luo Sister is slain, Now my Kalenjin Nephew is slain, Now my Kamba cousin is slain, Now.......yes I should go on to mention my relatives from the 42 tribes, because my generation is of mixed tribal heritage and my KENYA has always and will always be a multi-tribal country.

For the times I looked away as the poor became poorer. The times I laughed off my responsibility to demand systems that can give my mother in Kibera a lift from her poverty over a glass of expensive wine at a plush hotel in Nairobi. For the times I demanded that they must work harder and pull their own weight. For the moment that I ignored the tribal divide convincing myself that it would go away on its own. I cry.

TRUTH can never be silenced, and there is only so much we can sweep under the carpet.

Now my tears are heart still craves the Kenya that she knows.

The Kenya in my dreams, the Kenya that is rising, stirring from under the destruction. Where we will look the truth of injustice in the eye and take on our fear of confrontation. Where out leaders will be held accountable for their action. Where Kenya will be everyones priority, Where I will be free to be from any of the 42 tribes and have the same opportunities as everyone else. The same rights and freedoms.

But the question remains.....

Amkeni Mifupa Mitupu....Pokeeni Hewa
Ni nani nani?
Atakaye paza ...Sauti ya haki
Nena Bubu Nena.....
Atakaye simama
Atakaye hesabiwa

It is you and I.

I am ready to take my place now. My apologies Kenya. I had given in to my fear and selfishness, and lost sight of our dream.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

POLYGAMY Allowed in proposed marriage bill

You may all have read the article in the standard today or been following up on Kenyan laws and constitution and so have heard of this proposed marriage bill.

I was both pleased/confused/etc to note that Kenya is looking to liberalize its thoughts on marriage. The only thing that bugs me is the Polygamy accepted as long as you state your intentions before marriage number 1. I was hoping that we could also see Polyandry given the same treatment. Not that I am or am not a women rights activist, I just think this will aid the mama's who have to hide to have their needs met when their boo's ain't satisfactory.